So I was listening to FFH and this kinda hit me rather hard. Not sure why but it did. I guess with everything that has gone on since my birthday, things are finally beginning to take their toll one me.

Every day I sit and pray to God above
To watch over me and my family
But every day I seem to pray the same old thing
In the same old way, and I start to think

That maybe I should change
And find something better to say
But I've learned to believe
You always hear me when I pray

So I get down on my knees
'Cause I'm stronger than these
Voices inside of my head
They try to deceive me
And make me believe
That I would be better instead
To take my requests and put them to rest
But You're already one step ahead
You knew just what I would say
Before it was said

Every night I lie awake wondering
If You're listening to every heartbeat
You've told me that You know the deepest part of me
And You'll watch over me and my family

So I guess I shouldn't change
'Cause You hear every word that I say
And I knew You are here
When I come to You this way

So I guess I shouldn't change
'Cause You hear every word that I say
And I knew You were here
When I knelt down today

I just...I guess I am so afraid of things to come. I am finally learning and slowly working on giving things up for Him. He is supposed to be our life and the things we need he will provide to us. I just dont want to lose the ones I love oh so very much in this process. I know if thats what God wants then well I have no choice. I have tried on so many occasions to figure out what He wants from me. I have been trying to listen. I want to be a child of God. I want to be his servant and I want to live and die for Him. I am struggling so much, I just want to be saved (not in the spiritual sense where you say the prayer and you let Him into your heart and accept and believe that Jesus is our Lord and Savior, been there already). I need relief from something, I'm just not sure what.

::sigh::

x0x0x rhi*

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