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Monday, July 26th 2004

10:48 PM

Someone Special. . .

There comes a time when you realize what you want, what you need and how things should be. There usually always seems to be a problem. Tonight, when I was playing with my four year old and identical two and half month old cousins, I realized what I am supposed to do and be.

The primary thing is a mother. I was made to be a mom. I don't know why or how I know that but after feeding and rocking the twins to sleep no problem while watching Janessa, I just realized how easy it is and how desperately I want kids of my own.

Janessa holding Jillian and their grandmother Kim holding Jerika

As for what I should be doing, I don't know down to a tee what I want to do but I do know that I want to do something with kids. Teaching or something. I don't know, but as long as it is with younger kids. You know when they are eager to learn and want to play and constantly use their imaginations. That's when kids are the most fun.

This is why kids her age are so fun...they are totally random!

 

So anyway, there is also a time when you realize how much you love someone but you arent exactly sure if that person truly comprehends how much you love them or if they even feel the same way (but you know what i guess i am okay with that now). Two years ago someone came into my life that I had been praying for years for. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. He may not realize it but before I met him, I was actually worse that I was. I hated every little thing about me and I hated even more where I was in life. He slowly changed all of that. I still have my days (more often than not) where I just hate everything about myself and everything gets to me. Thats just how I am and more than likely how I will always be until I can get some real help from someone. I just want him to know how much I love him and how much he means to me. I can't always say those things when I am with him but those feelings are always there and they never go away. I am not saying that this person has to be in love with me or anything or really even love me back anymore. Just as long as he knows hes loved. I would honestly give the world for him. I would walk through fire and take away any pain if it were possible. My heart and soul will always belong to him. He means the world to me and I love him so much more than I will ever be able to show or say.

So until next time,

x0x0x rhi*

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