The light is gone and they shine no more. . .
My great aunt Cindy told me to day that she hasnt seen my eyes sparkle since I was little. If she only knew the pain that I have gone through she would understand why.
Friday my grandparents (on my moms side and the only ones that i am really close today) were in a really bad car wreck. They were in my grandads 3/4 ton truck and hit by a 1.5 ton truck on the driver side. Everyone thought my grandfather was dead but he lived. He made it out with just some broken ribs and cuts and things on his hands and arms. My grandmother on the other hand didnt. She had severe head trauma and died on the operating table friday around lunch sometime. God no one in my family knew anything until about 2 pm and the wreck happened around 10 am. My mother left me at her best friends house all weekend. I guess that turned out to be a good thing. I broke down at my grandfathers yesterday. Then she told me...this is why I left you with her.
So today was my grandmothers service. I had to go the private vewing. God that was the most horrible thing on the face of the earth. She didnt want to be burried. She wanted to be creamated. So she didnt have a casket. She was laid out on this metal table but Guys mother came and put all these pretty blankets on the table and then over her. Shannon got her this pretty suit with roses on it to wear and the lady who usually did her hair came to do it. In a sense it was here but it was just horrible. She was so bloated from the trauma. She looked nothing like my grandmother. I could tell it was her but she was so different. I could hardly stand there to see her. Mom warned me before we went in that she didnt look right. . .I didnt believe her until I saw her. Guys sister Mary sang at the service. She sang my favorite song. I dont know if mom asked her to do that for me or what but she sang I Can Only Imagine. I really wish they would have just played MercyMe's version but we dont get what we want in life. Obviously, or my grandmother would still be here with me.
Anyway, my great aunt Cindy told me next time she sees me that she wants to see the sparkle back in my eyes and she wants to know that I am happy. I think that is going to be a while though. I keep trying to think positive and remind myself that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, but sometimes its SO hard to keep that thought in mind. Maybe this weekend with Kyle will help lift my spirits some. God I hope it does anyway.
Enough of my total ramblings for now. More updates for you soon. Hopefully I have something good to update with....
x0x0x rhi*